Neuf Telecom Slogan Freely translated it says "We promise; We don't Deliver"

The First Road to Hell

The first road to hell as we have discovered is to believe advertisements. On our arrival in Paris we were instantly aware of the tons of ads for ADSL broadband offering all kinds of permutations and combinations of internet access, digital TV, and long-distance phone service.

We set to work and studied all of the offerings and came up with the best deal for us which was Neuf Telecom. The fine print on all of these deals is mind-boggling but we quickly learned to avoid those offering only annual contracts — we couldn't commit our friend Veronica to such a contract. We homed in on Neuf Telecom because for only 40€ a month they offered not only broadband internet, but also cheap phone calls, and digital TV, all through the same modem box.

We next inspected very closely the terms for ending an indefinite contract. The providers all advertise in big letters that there are no fees for signing up, but you have to search hard to find the small print that tells you that you have to pay if you cancel the contract before a certain minimum time. Neuf had the best deal there too at about 40€, which we felt we would easily amortize over our three month stay.

The Second Road to Hell

Having done our research we went to the next step which was to call up Neuf and ask all the tough questions we could think of to be sure that we could live with this deal and not encumber Veronica too much. Jan spent a good half hour talking to a young salesman who was very anxious to have our business and patiently answered all our questions. He particularly asked what telephone number we were calling from, consulted some data base and told us that yes, our line was suitable for ADSL service. He also volunteered to us that the company was offering a special incentive that did not appear in the advertisements. With that in mind and the notes taken during the conversation we said goodbye to make our final decision.

Two days later we called again this time ready to plunk down our credit card number and lock in the deal. Surprise number one, the same young salesman answered the phone. Perhaps we should have guessed then that the company was grossly understaffed! Surprise number two: the special incentive had expired. In the previous conversation no such expiry date had been mentioned and so we could only fume impotently. Surprise number three, however, seemed insurmountable: they would not accept our U.S. credit card. You could pay with a credit card, of course, but only one attached to a French bank account. For a 21st century company their (and most French company) rules of service are positively antediluvian. We hung up disappointed. To find out if the credit card gotcha was peculiar to Neuf, we also called AOL France and got the same reply: "No, you can't sign up for service in France and pay with a foreign credit card." Now, isn't the whole idea of credit cards that they are universally acceptable?

The Third Road to Hell

We talked it over and decided to ask Veronica if she would allow us to sign up in her name. This was a definite risk for her and we were extremely grateful when she quickly said yes. We promised her that we would reimburse for any charges levied on her account on our behalf no matter what.

We called back Neuf and the same young salesman (did they really only have one salesman?) took our order and promised us that three things would happen: first, that we would receive a mailing that we should fill out and return so that they could send us the Neuf Magic Box (ADSL adapter) in ten to fifteen days; that they would notify France Telecom that our calls should be routed via Neuf Telecom; and that while waiting for the box, we would receive a code giving us free dial-up internet access.

We waited a week, received the mailing and returned it as agreed. Some days later we received notification from France Telecom that our calls were now being routed via Neuf Telecom. And then — nothing. We waited two weeks, then three weeks, then a month and still nothing. No sign of our Magic Box. No letter containing the dial-up access code. Rien, Nada, Nichts.

Neuf Telecom Letter: We advise you to withdraw your order since we won't deliver

The Fourth Road to Hell

We made a phone call to the sales number and were told that everything was fine and we should just wait. So we waited, and waited, and then something happened. The something was a phone call from Neuf Telecom to tell us that because they couldn't offer us the promised service, would we please cancel our application. We were flabbergasted. We had waited by this time five weeks for their service and at this late date they inform us that they can't provide the service!

The young woman passed us on to technical support to explain what had happened, but all he could say was that something was full. Because we know a little about telecoms it became clear to us that they had some module installed in the central office for ADSL service and all of the lines on that module were occupied and for some reason they (or France Telecom) couldn't (or wouldn't) install a new module. But the real annoyance was that they expected us to quietly cancel our request.

The Fifth Road to Hell

We tried several times to get satisfaction by telephone with no success. We are used to American methods of telephone service by which one can ask to speak to a supervisor if one isn't happy with the service. No such thing in France. The person you get is all you get, no recourse to a more knowledgeable, agreeable, or authoritative person.

In desperation and to find out a bit more about Neuf we decided to go to their office, which is in fancy Boulogne-Billancourt just across the Seine from Paris proper. There we met a very personable young man who listened to our complaint, nodded his head at all the right points, apologised profusely for our problems, promised faithfully to send out the internet dial-up access code immediately that we were due, and promised to expedite the delivery of the Magic Box. Somewhat mollified we walked away thinking that finally we had made a breakthrough.

The Sixth Road to Hell

France Telecom Salesman Patrick

Some hope! Another week went by and no letter from Neuf telecom. We were getting to the end of that road.

We had not been completely idle while waiting for Neuf to do nothing at all. We had discovered that France Telecom offered their own version of broadband: a measly 500 Kbits instead of the Neuf advertised 8 Mbit service. They did not offer digital TV, but they did have a box with wireless that meant that we could be on line together. We found a salesman in a France Telecom walk-in store who patiently explained all of the details to us and for a mere 20€ a month with no cancellation fee we could be in business.

We filled out all of the papers then and there and walked away with a so-called Wanadoo Livebox in our hot little hands and the salesman's assurance that within three or four days, we would be able to connect following the instructions he had given us. We hardly dared to believe it.

The Seventh Road to Hell

We waited three days and it didn't work. We waited four days and it didn't work. And just as we were about to take it back, the blinking lights blinked in the right way and lo and behold, we had an internet wireless network in Veronica's little apartment and both happily started playing on the web. Finally, seven weeks after our arrival and six weeks after our first conversation with Neuf Telecom we were connected. We still can't really explain why the service suddenly started to work. We suspect that the line conditioning was changed or that the Livebox finally adapted itself to the line.

Once we were sure the service was reliable, we called Neuf and finally told them that we were cancelling our request for service and that they should restore normal France Telecom telephone service as well. That fortunately happened without a hiccup.

The Eighth Road to Hell

About a week before Veronica was due back from her Canterbury to Compostela pilgrimage, we went back to France Telecom to confirm the procedure for returning the box and cancelling the service so that Veronica would not have to bear any unneccessary burden herself. After some wrangling (our friendly salesman was not around), the sales people made a phone call for us and obtained a code that would allow us to return the Livebox and cancel service. We left tired but happy. Dealing with bureaucracy is surely the scourge of modern life.

Needing internet access for making airline reservations, etc. we kept the service to our last day. On June 30, the day before flying off, we duly returned the Livebox. We carefully carried away the receipt to show that we had returned it and added it to the pile of things left with Veronica. We spent an hour with her going through all of the phone bills to calculate our debts to her for our entire stay, including a bill from Neuf that we would have preferred to fight but now would pay to avoid trouble for Veronica. Or so we thought.

The Ninth Road to Hell — Ouragan à Wanadoo

The final chapter in this long and unhappy saga took place after we had left Paris and were already ensconced in our summer sublet in Moscow. Veronica received a bill from France Telecom charging her for internet service for the month of July. We of course had returned the Livebox on June 30.

After an exchange of emails, Veronica took matters into her own hands. She went to France Telecom's office, with the Livebox receipt in hand, and subjected them to her own version of a hurricane. She said that she talked very loudly and promised not to leave until they gave her satisfaction. Thankfully they refunded all unjustified charges already made and promised not to subject her to any more. Oooof!