One of the students raised their hand and asked "What gender is a computer"?

The teacher wasn't certain which it was, so he divided the class into two groups, males in one, females in the other, and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine  gender because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
 3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

 Ten Ways to Tell if a Redneck has been working on a Computer

 10. The monitor is up on blocks.
 9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
 8. The six front keys have rotted out.
 7. The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts stored in them.
 6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
 5. The password is "Bubba".
 4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
 3. There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
 2. The keyboard is camouflaged.

AND the number 1 way to tell if a Redneck has been working on a computer is...

 1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".
 

Error messages that we don't usually see
 

A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone. 

*** - *** - *** - ***

The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist 

*** - *** - *** *-

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return. 

*** - *** - *** *-

ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have.
You ask far too much. 

*** - *** - *** *-

First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully. 

*** - *** - *** - *** - *** --

With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found. 

*** - *** - *** - *** - *** --

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner. 

*** - *** - *** - *** - *** --

Windows 95 crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams. 

*** - *** - *** *

Stay the patient course
Of little worth is your ire
The network is down 

*** - *** - *** - *** *

A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone. 

*** - *** - *** - *** *

Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that 

*** - *** - *** - *** *

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred. 

*** - *** - *** - *** *

You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here. 

*** - *** - *** - *** *

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will. 
*** - *** - *** - *** - *** --

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped. 

*** - *** - *** - *** - *** -

Rather than a beep
Or a rude error message,
These words: "File not found." 

*** - *** - *** - *** - *** --

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

640K ought to be enough for anybody. "Bill Gates, 1981"

Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons. "Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science,1949"

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. "Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943" 

"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year." "The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957" 

But what ... is it good for? "Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM,
1968, commenting on the microchip."

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977"

"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.'" AppleComputer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes that he is lost. He reduces altitude and spots a man down below on the ground. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above
 this field."

"You must work in Information Technology" says the balloonist. "I do" replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use whatsoever."

The man below reflects for a moment, and then says: "You must be in management." "I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position
 you were in before we met, but now it's MY fault."