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Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Quasimodo were having a terrible fight.
"I am the most beautiful person in the world," proclaimed Sleeping Beauty.
"No, you're not," answered Quasimodo and Tom Thumb.
"I am the smallest
person in the world," shouted Tom Thumb.
"No, you're not," said Sleeping
Beauty and Quasimodo." "I am the ugliest person in the world," announced
Quasimodo.
"No, you aren't," replied Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty.
Well,
they decided that if the three were to get along, they needed a mediator,
and decided that Merlin, clearly the smartest person in the world, would
be ideal.
Merlin agreed and summoned them all to his palace, where he announced
he would meet with them one at a time.
Sleeping Beauty went in first and
not a minute later came out beaming." I am the most beautiful person in
the world.
Merlin says so." In went Tom Thumb and out he came as quickly
as had Sleeping Beauty.
"I am the smallest person in the world.
Merlin
agrees." In goes Quasimodo and he stays a half hour, an hour, an hour and
a half.
Finally, he emerges distraught, muttering, "Who the hell is Janet
Reno?"
A recent survey interviewed 300 women and asked them the question, would you have sex with President Clinton. 85% responded, "never again."
Hot Prez4U {{{{{{{{{{{{Monica}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
================================================================================= It's not very well known that Clinton was almost an undergraduate science major. He did all right. His thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam with one question: "Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof." Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. Clinton, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities.
#1 If Hell is expanding at a slower rate
than the rate at which
#2 Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and so Hell is exothermic. Clinton, as usual, got an A.
Question for Monical Lewinski: How many interns does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer: I don't know. I don't think I could fit in a light bulb.
Clinton: "I feel your pain."
The following are the results of a recent contest held at the Black Rose pub in Boston's Fanueil Hall. The Contest Requirements: To use the names Lewinsky and Kaczynski in a limerick. Judged as the top 4 Entries:
Entry # 1
Entry # 2
Entry # 3
Entry # 4
(*Nijinsky is a thoroughbred racehorse not to be confused with the ballet dancer.)
Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight. "I am the most beautiful person in the world," proclaimed Sleeping Beauty. "No, you're not," answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb. I am the smallest person in the world," shouted Tom Thumb. "No, you're not," said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan "I've had more lovers than any person in the world," announced Don Juan. "No, you haven't" replied Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty. Well, they decided that if the three were to get along, they needed a mediator, and decided that Merlin, clearly the smartest person in the world, would be ideal. Merlin agreed and summoned them all to his palace, where he announced he would meet with them one at a time. Sleeping Beauty went in first and not a minute later came out beaming. "I am the most beautiful person in the world, Merlin said so." In went Tom Thumb and out he came as quickly as had Sleeping Beauty. "I am the smallest person in the world. Merlin agrees." In goes Don Juan and in he stays, a half hour, an hour, an hour and a half later. Finally, he emerges distraught, muttering, "Who the hell is Bill Clinton"
Bill & Hillary Clinton host a large bipartisan dinner party
in their personal residence quarters at the White House, including a number
of current and former members of Congress, former Presidents Carter,
Ford and Bush, along with former Vice Presidents Mondale and Quayle.
After the introductory speeches during dinner, Vice President Dan Quayle
excused himself to use the bathroom, one adjacent to the First Family's
private living room.
After a couple of minutes, he returns to his
seat, looking rather smug, but says nothing to his wife at the time.
After
the dinner, as the Quayles returned home, Dan turned to Marilyn and said,
"Did you know Bill has a solid-gold urinal in his bathroom? How can
he pretend to be serious about cutting the budget after buying that?"
Marilyn's initial look of shock turns to a a sly grin as she turns
to her husband and says, "We've really caught him with his
pants down this time! As soon as we
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